September Mom of the Month

I am so excited to introduce our September “Mom of the Month”, I Will Carry You mom, Courtney Reyanud. Courtney and I connected in 2019 after my Eva ran ahead to Heaven. I remember when she reached out to me to offer support, I could just sense her authenticity. She wasn’t just another person reaching out to “check the box”. She was another mom who had expereinced great loss, and she wanted to be there for me. She really really cared.

After that initial connection, Courtney learned that I started I Will Carry You and was training to become a bereavement doula as a means to support families experiencing pregnancy and infant loss in our community. She reached back out to me on Facebook wanting to know more because she too had a desire to help, and the rest is history! She is now fulfilling her dream as a Certified Bereavement Doula supporting mothers facing the same heartbreak and devastation she faced just four years ago. Courtney’s love for her sweet Satcher is so evident in everything she does. She fights to keep his memory alive by honoring him in her daily life and by walking alongside women on their darkest days. I am so thankful for Courtney and her committment to our organization. She is truly a light to all that encounter her.

Courtney’s story of loss is heartbreaking, but more than that, it is inspiring. My hope is, when you read her story you will identify with her and you will see that you too can rise from the ashes. You too can overcome your greatest obstacles. You can learn, grow, and thrive not despite of the pain, but because of it, just like Courtney has. So with that, I would like to introduce you to our September “Mom of the Month”, Satcher’s sweet sweet mama, Courtney Reynaud, SBD.

Satcher’s Story

Courtney Reynaud, Satcher’s Mom

“After Satcher died, and I started to share my story with the world, I saw a need. I saw so many women who had gone through what I had and needed help! Pregnancy and infant loss is something no one wants to talk about, but there are so many who are struggling silently.”

“In December of 2016 we found out we were expecting our 3rd baby, and we were so excited to announce at our family Christmas party! We got a number 3 balloon and had the ultrasound photo attached to it. We let our kids open it in front of our family on Christmas. I remember the excitement that filled the room as everyone was so shocked (I had two toddlers, but I what’s one more?). My daughter who was only four at the time said “mama you are having us a baby!! When is it coming?! Is it a boy or girl?” we were all anxious to see what the tie breaker would be! We were all team BOY, but a healthy baby would be great! 

Our Pregnancy Announcement

“I remember the excitement that filled the room as everyone was so shocked. I had two toddlers, but I what’s one more?!”

Everything seemed to be going great with my pregnancy. I saw the doctor every four weeks, and waited very impatiently to have my gender reveal. February 2017 came and we had a ultrasound at sneak a peak to determine the gender of our baby so we could do our first ever gender reveal. I can still remember the butterflies right before my husband busted the baseball that would spread blue sand all through the air. They joy that came from seeing that blue sand is something I can’t put into words! We were truly over the moon, and my oldest was so excited that she was going to be the only princess, and my son was thrilled to be having a baby brother. 

Our Gender Reveal

“I can still remember the butterflies right before my husband busted the baseball that would spread blue sand all through the air. They joy that came from seeing that blue sand is something I can’t put into words!”

We decided to name our sweet boy Satcher Davis, both names from grandparents that had gone to be with the Lord. He had such a special family name, with such a purpose. At 16 weeks I went in for a checkup, I heard heard his sweet little heartbeat, and everything was so perfect. 

It wasn’t too long after that 16 week appointment that I started to feel strange. I was very fatigued, to the point that I could hardly even get off of the couch some days. When I called the doctor to let them know, they said this was normal. Plus I had two toddlers, so I believed them and just went with it. The closer I got to 20 weeks, the worse it got. I also noticed I hadn’t felt Satcher move yet, whereas I had felt movement from my other two by 18 weeks. My doctor told me this was normal as well since my last delivery was a c-section. I tried to get them to check me out, but I was scheduled to have my anatomy scan the following week so we decided to just wait it out. 

April 11, 2017— the day I will never forget. We went in for our anatomy scan. We were so excited, we even brought our big kids to see their baby brother. What was supposed to be such an exciting time for our family, quickly turned into the worst day of my life. I remember telling my husband, who had no idea what was happening, to take our kids out of the room where a nurse sat with them. When he came back, I had to tell my precious husband that our son no longer had a heartbeat. There was no explanation, just that he was perfect and sometimes things like this happen. We sat there in complete disbelief wondering how we were going to tell our sweet babies that they were no longer getting a baby brother. We called our families, talked to our doctor, and decided we wanted a second opinion. We thought surely it would be a different outcome… but it wasn’t.

The news was true, our son had gone to be with Jesus. 

I was induced on April 12, 2017 at 6am. On April 13, 2017, after almost 24 hours in labor, I gave birth to the smallest, most beautiful baby I have ever seen. Satcher Davis Reynaud was born at 4:06 am. He weighed 4.1 oz, he was 7 & 1/4 inches long, and he was pure perfection. Before I delivered, the doctors told me to prepare for the worst. Even though I was 21 weeks along, he was only measuring 18.5 weeks, so he had been gone a few weeks. This explained my awful fatigue.

Satcher’s Birth

“On April 13, 2017, after almost 24 hours in labor, I gave birth to the smallest, most beautiful baby I have ever seen.”

God had a plan though, because we were able to spend almost 10 hours with Satcher that day. Our family and friends came to help us welcome and say goodbye to our perfect baby. My biggest regret through it all was my oldest children were never able to meet their brother, but the hospital was so gracious. They did his hand and foot prints for us, and they even put his hand and foot prints on a baseball for us, just like we had for our oldest son. 

Our Time With Satcher

“God had a plan though, because we were able to spend almost 10 hours with Satcher that day.”

The days that came after his birth were some of the hardest days of my life. The grief was so hard. Having to explain to my children why there was no longer a baby in my belly was hard. But with God, and only God, we were able to get through the hardest season of our lives. Over the last 4 years, I have strived to keep Satcher’s name alive. After he passed away, each month on the 13th, we would go to his grave and read him a book. We had him buried in baby land in Calhoun, LA because I had a peace knowing he wasn’t alone, though I knew he was in heaven. Grief is strange, you do things you never thought just to help you heal, and that’s ok. 

The Hardest Days Of Our Lives

“Grief is strange, you do things you never thought just to help you heal, and that’s ok.”

Every year on his birthday, we bake a strawberry cake, get a balloon to write him a note on, release the balloon, and we have Chick-Fil-A for dinner. We were gifted a little orange Fox when Satcher died, and we have made it a point to take pictures with him, as a way to keep him alive and part of our family in every way we can. Each year that passes is a little harder, I find myself always grieving new things. This year he should have started Pre-k and my heart aches that I didn’t get to take his first day of school picture.

Keeping His Memory Alive

“We were gifted a little orange Fox when he died and we have made it a point to take pictures with him, and keep him alive and part of our family in every way we can.”

Though my heart hurts, I rejoice for what God has done for me and my family. After Satcher died, and I started to share my story with the world, I saw a need. I saw so many women who had gone through what I had and needed help! Pregnancy and infant loss is something no one wants to talk about, but there are so many who are struggling silently. In 2020, I became a Birth and Bereavement Doula with I Will Carry You, and I’m just so thankful! I have a heart to help these women in one of the hardest times of their lives. I am so thankful for the strength and grace to be able to have such a calling. God blessed me with a beautiful rainbow baby in 2018, and she’s brought so much healing to our family. 

Lastly, I have a dream to write a children’s book some day to help children who are grieving their siblings. We read so many books to help kids with grief, and I pray that my dreams will become a reality some day!”

The Little Orange Fox

In loving memory of Satcher Davis Reynaud

— Written by Satcher’s Mom, Courtney Reynaud, SBD